youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
