Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
