Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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