Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
