a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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