Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
