We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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