Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
