Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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