I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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