I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
