ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
