She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
