I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
