you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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