i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize