I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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