My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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