I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
