I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
