We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
