so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
