He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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