In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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