It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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