I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
