I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
