Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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