There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
