We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i will never coherently bang her
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
