i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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