Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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