i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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