If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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