Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
