Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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