As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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