But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
