So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
