Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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