it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
