were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
