He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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