Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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