it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
