I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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