ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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