Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
