you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
