I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
