I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
