she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
