he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
