He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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