Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
