So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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