i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
