Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
