Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
