gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
