why do cheetos always look like penises
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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