he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
