i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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