I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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