mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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