I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
