my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
